i have every reason in the world to be radiating happiness, and i'm not.
not that i'm sad or upset; it's like i'm numb.
and it's been eating at me, particularly in the last week. i can't pin it down, but i feel like i'm being constantly pulled back to this state of zombie-like impatience and inability for emotion by SOMETHING. and not only that, but immense frustration with this constant "stuck-in-a-rut" mentality. i'm bouncing up and down inside of my skull with the need to do something out of the ordinary.
and i guess the way i'm looking at life at this point is that i have two stable friends, piss-poor confidence, and a suffering self esteem, so completely skipping over a sense of belonging and esteem and shooting straight for SA is what i need. which obviously isn't working.
my doctor has amped me up to 200 mcg of synthroid daily. maybe it's just my thyroid, i don't know. i'm just tired of this. really tired.
Well.
ReplyDeleteI was reading over my journal, and it's constantly like "I feel like sleeping. I don't want to get out of bed and do anything. I don't want to talk to anyone. I can't deal with this."
And it's been that way for years.
You're not alone, C, I promise.