today started out really well, and continued to be great until i found myself alone, again, in my car. Navigating the winding country roads, I thought about my 18th birthday party and how I'm sharing it with another girl in my grade. I've never been terribly good at sharing, but I think I've changed in the past year in that way; I'd rather have a joint party than have one of my own. But after thinking about all of the people I won't know at this party, I miss the network I used to have. I have Dylan and Blake and my family. Then there's Lee and a few school acquaintances, my friends who moved away in elementary school but kept contact. My Pratt friends, who I miss with a fierceness. And that's it.
I don't know...I wouldn't trade what I have now (quality > quantity, after all) but sometimes I miss having that quantity, you know? I miss having more friends than I can count on my fingers and going out on the weekends and recognizing people everywhere I go. And it's not like I haven't gained from this lack of banter and society, because I am more in tune with myself than I have ever been in my life, but it just makes me think.
I'm going to get a job, and I'm going to start doing things outside of school. I'm going to make more friends.
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