self perception

i saw this quote the other day that really hit me hard, that "it's good to hate yourself, because if you don't, everyone else will," and it just really pisses me off. sure, coming off as a cocky jerk makes everyone else feel like shit. failing to see flaws in yourself will piss your friends off. but who the fuck could use that logic to say that self-depreciation is necessary for others to love you? That others won't hate you so long as you hate yourself?

Because what i have to say is this: i have my bad days (today is one of them) when i don't feel at home in my skin, when i feel weak and fat and like i'm a spoiled brat for the privilege i have grown up with. but lately, i have fallen in love with me. i love myself when i wake up in the morning and my hair is crazy. i love the way my boobs look when i'm naked. i love the way that my friends come to me when they need help. i love that i would rather pay for 3 friends' dinner than not include them in our plans because they can't afford to go out. i love that i'm a good writer and a good designer.

i don't like that i never do the dishes or take the trash out, that i make literal and figurative messes bigger than i can clean up. that i can be really selfish and lazy a lot of the time. that sometimes i would rather stay in bed all day than go out and live life that day.


but like Blake was saying the other day, i'm the one person i've got for sure for the rest of this life. and i'm proud of myself for where i've come from (a vast pool of self-hatred i thought i'd never escape) and most days, i fucking love myself despite my flaws. and days like today when i don't, i'm nice to myself and i wait for it to pass.