it's been a while.

since i last blogged, lots of big things have happened:

i've begun (began?) eating poultry again. it's not like i enjoy it, but it is a world easier than i thought it would be. i guess i was just so scared to lose the label of "vegetarian."

i mailed my portfolio off to pratt, and i'm dying to get my results back. the anticipation is killing me. in order for new york to happen, i've been saving literally every penny i find in a snapple jar, and i think i already have over $30 in the first week. the real things draining my resources are food and gas, which (unfortunately) i have to deal with. i haven't bought any food since friday, though, so i'm getting there.

i finished my world lit 2 paper. truly, i could have done much better, but i've just been so stressed recently that english and math, my easy subjects, have been put on the back burner so my grades in those areas are suffering.

recently, my physical self esteem has been really high, following a pretty bad low. i ballooned up in my weight, especially in my face, overnight and stayed that way for about three days. luckily it was all water weight, and i dropped it all and more the next day. that has been helping me get through all of this stress, not worrying as much about my weight. not only that, but i've started working out more and i feel really great.

my nanny tried to commit suicide. right now i really don't know what to think. she's probably one of the most beautiful people i know...she has my favorite color of skin in people, the kind that looks like a latte and is freckled and perfectly smooth. and her hair is literally silver. she amazes me, and it makes me so sad that she can't see that her daughter, her husband, her grandchildren, her "granbabies," and she calls jaime, chantel, carmine, jackson, and i--the children she nannied from birth to elementary school--and our parents love her so much. it's really made me question a lot of things in my life recently.

though my thyroid has still been screwed, i've found some peace with it. i sleep when i need to, and let my homework go unfinished. i know when to eat so that i don't wake up feeling as if my stomach is eating itself. and, best of all, i know how to keep it from hurting my emotions. for the longest time, i remember not being able to feel the butterflies and the warmth that having dylan gave me for the depression. but i've been handling it really well, even without medicine for the past week, so i'm proud of myself.

the weather has finally transitioned into the almost-springtime sun, and i can smell summer around the corner. i forgot how happy sunshine makes me.

i'm leaving friday night for north carolina, just with momma and gitsy. i'm so UNBELIEVABLY excited.

that's all for now, sorry it's so long.