the first good visit

i didn't post on my visit back home, and as i was reading back through some earlier posts about how evansville has been a sore spot since leaving, i realized i should. i'm happy to say that my last visit home was wonderful.

i got home friday night, helped my mom prepare for the bridal shower until about 3 am, and then we had two back-to-back showers the next day. i wore my dress (which is now my second favorite outfit) and parted my hair in the middle and felt really great all day. saturday night i got ihop and old chicago with dustin, and i went home and went to bed. normally i drive around and listen to music and get reacquainted with my hometown. this time i didn't, and i feel like it was a good decision.

sunday my mom and i had cupcakes in bed for brunch, and then she drove me to kanpai for solaris' earth day celebration. it was really great to see everyone, meet the new people, and catch up with amy and cole. as much as things can get tense doing design work with amy around deadlines and miscommunication, i really do like getting to just hang out with her when i'm in evansville. same with cole, and his partner is the sweetest & just gets me. it was good to be social. sometimes because i have such a small social circle in chicago, i forget what it feels like to have a community of people. and that was nice. we just talked about things at solaris and shopping and everyone's babies. amy and cole bumped into dylan at fresh market apparently, and they said he followed them around trying to talk to them the whole time, like he used to do at the salon. my mom said that sometimes it's just nice to hear someone else call your ex a weirdo and i think she's right. being so distanced from the situation now, it's easy to slip into thinking i made a bad decision. but i didn't, and i'm happy with how i am now.

monday my mom and i got breakfast at cross-eyed & then i got a haircut. it was so good to catch up with mashae. she's got her life all planned out, and has babies and a house, but i can still talk to her and i have always loved talking with her. she's far from a best friend, but she made working with dylan bearable. she was a friend to me when i felt alone and inferior at work. and i'm happy to see her building a life. especially with blake finishing school and moving across the country and mashae having another baby and getting married in alabama, it's easy to feel static and boring in comparison to my friends. but it's a process. this time next year will be my time, and until then, i have the freedom to be young and a little reckless. and i'm grateful for that.

and i'm grateful for the fact that i was able to go home and not hate it. i felt like an outsider, but in a good way. in a way that i have found a new home and niche elsewhere in the world, and am happy.