perspective

i follow this plus size fashion blog of a girl who lives in chicago, in the thick of it (here) that i like a lot because
a.) she's close to my size and shape (around 220 lbs, 5'9", pants in the 16-20 range -- she looks like she has a smaller waist than me, but most fatshion blogs i follow are of girls who have a much different body than me, so i like this blog best)
b.) she's edgy in her style & does a lot of thrifting/bargain hunting, which is what i'm all about
c.) she lives in chicago, so i know the places she shops at & am able to frequent them myself

i kinda talked in my last post about how i haven't been feeling quite right in my body lately. i've put on about 10-15 lbs over the course of the past few months of being stressed to the max and not sleeping, and then being too tired to bike or run like i was doing last semester. i had been maintaining about 205-215 since the end of freshman year of college, and back up to 225-230, what i was in high school. and it's not a huge change, especially for someone as tall as i am, but it feels huge. i feel huge. and the fact that something in my mind is relentlessly tearing me down about it has made it really hard to change my habits; i'm an emotional eater & always have been.

so anyway. i was reading this blog today, and the girl is in london. in her most recent post, she said that in the UK, most places stock up to a US size 20 in the regular departments. and i had to do a double take. i just think about how my life, my perception of self-worth, would be drastically different if i lived in a place where i could find clothes that would fit my body in almost any store i walked into. it just amazes me that our culture's fucked up perception of size normality could permeate so deeply into my psyche that i spend every day sitting in ways that make me look thinner, stressing out about every calorie i eat or every time i take the escalator instead of the stairs, guilt tripping every day i take the train instead of riding my bike.

anyways, i lost steam with this & i have work to do, but you get the point, which is ~brb moving to london~