healthy

i feel like i've been really bad at updating this lately, but right now things are rounding out & feeling much more stable than they have in a while. i started taking welbutrin, and while i still don't feel like everything is under control, i feel a lot better. and i can't drink on it, which is good; i think i got to a point last semester where i was so depressed and anxious all the time that drinking almost every weekend just made me feel overwhelmed and unbalanced. i've been eating a lot healthier, being a little more active, and my thyroid is slowly working its way back to normal, all which are helping. i got a haircut & the 8 or so pounds i've lost have boosted my body image significantly.

i've also been seeing this guy, ross, and it just feels pretty right. i talked with him for weeks before meeting him in person, and i really think that made a big difference. while i'm pretty sure he's rebounding pretty hard from a serious relationship (less than a year, but she dumped him for some other dude), i really like him. like, actually. i don't think i've ever felt this way about anyone i've met off okcupid, except maybe zach, but we didn't have much chemistry. ross is really geeky & kinda awkward, but in an endearing way. plus he is very tall and dresses really well. he's always making jokes that i find hilarious, and i've been able to be really open with him about a lot of things, including the fact that i'm struggling a little bit emotionally right now & a lot about spiritualism, both which normally scare guys off.

i found a dime in the bathroom on our first date (i'm sure i've posted about it on here, but my mom's dad, who died when he was 24, leaves my mom and me dimes--always heads up in plain sight--when we're struggling or are wondering if we're making a right decision, as a kind of confirmation that we're doing the right thing & that we have spiritual support) and last night he came over to make pizzas and watch game of thrones, and when he left we made out in the foyer of my apartment building. so for now it feels pretty nice, and i like talking to him, so we'll see where it goes. i think it's really easy for me to get worked up about emotional health in relationships--my own & that of the people i'm interested in--because of how dylan's & my relationship crashed and burned because of it, but i think it's also ok (as long as i am being open about the state that i'm in) to look to someone else for emotional support and to help me remind myself that i am an interesting and valuable person.

i only have a few more days left in chicago before i go to plan-it-x fest with dana and then head to north carolina with my family, and i am so stoked for it that it's unbelievable. i cannot wait to see my aunt and cousins, to hike in the woods, to see the sunrise on ocracoke, and to hang out with my best friend in my favorite place in the US.