know-it-all

this girl,
she knows.

knows that boy she looks at every day,
with his black hair and hemp necklaces,
who falls asleep every day in ap world history
who drives that beat up mercedes with one sticker
"war is not the answer." this boy is so perfect for her.
he asks questions like,
"what is knowledge?" and won't speak unless his words
come out with power and meaning.
what a beautiful soul, an old one like her.
that boy who she knows has a girlfriend
and still wants him. knowing it's wrong.


knows that a boy she loves
has been dating her former best friend for years,
she imagines kisses and sweaty palms and endless artful moments
sand volleyball competitions, him screaming
"I LOVE THIS GIRL!" with his arm around her,
her replying while his girlfriend, the former best friend,
watches from a distance,
bought a uke and plays cristofer drew songs, but better
who asks for pictures so he can draw her
put her picture up by his girlfriend's
and still wants him, knowing it's wrong.


knows that the one boy who told her she was beautiful,
kissed her hand, held it, for one day.
called her rio, dancing on the sand
who spent hours on the phone with her,
introduced her to marty mcfly and action action,
the scene's eccentric side
was destroyed by her need for society's "approval"
blowing him off with careless words within a myspace message
that boy who she thinks of, even a year later,
and still wants him, knowing she was wrong.


knows all the way back to eighth grade,
the boy who was her first real love.
the boy in dockers, sperrys and polos,
deep into conversation with her,
the girl with ripped jeans, destroyed vans and band t-shirts
how they sat side by side in science,
when he put his hand on top of hers, not
for one glorious minute. helping her,
holding up the volcano that crumpled
beneath their two hands.
who asked numerously if she had feelings for him
she was too afraid to say yes, too selfish to say no.
the boy she thinks of, even two years later,
and still wants him, knowing it's wrong.




but it's wrong.
everything is.