Monday, February 13, 2012
brak:
i'm really not angry, and i was trying really hard not to seem that way when we were talking. i'm still a little hurt, but it's not like I'm angry with you. i just feel like everything in my life is so different now. it seems stupid to say this, but I feel like in some ways my breaking up with dylan tore you & i apart because we'd become dependent on talking about our boys & sex lives for so long. it's like we don't really have as much to talk about anymore. i don't know. i've just worked so hard through this breakup on my own that it's still very, very hard for me to let people back in, especially people who couldnt be there to hold my hand through all of it. i want things to go back to normal, and i miss you too. it's just all transitional right now and i don't know where things are going.
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This is almost worse than you still being mad :'\
ReplyDeleteI know we talked about our relationships a lot, but think of it this way -- we were just both in serious relationships for the first time, and we were sharing that. But we're also adjusting to being in college for the first time, and living away from home for the first time, and integrating our old lives with our new lives. We can share that too.
I understand that you're upset that I wasn't there for part of your breakup with Dylan. It isn't that I didn't still want to be there for you. I should have, and I'm not making excuses, but I think it was also bad timing too. But, I was there for a lot of things in your past -- your thyroid problems, your Mom's brain clot, just to name a few. Please don't lose sight of that.
And yeah, you're changing and I think I remind you of Dylan a lot. But I'm changing too, so things are transitional for me too. But I get it. I want to give you time because I feel like you're growing a lot stronger because of this, and I'm so proud of you for that.
And maybe when things go back to "normal," it won't be the normal that we're used to. But you said once that your kids are going to call me "Aunt B," and I still hope that will be the case.