pan

for someone who has so intensely loved peter pan her entire life, i'm really surprised that it never occurred to me to read the original j.m. barrie novel until this summer. i knew that my favorite version of the film (with jeremy sumpter as peter) is heavily based on the original text, and have always loved "finding neverland," which delves into barrie's process while writing the original play & novel.

but i am amazed with how dark the novel is for a children's story, and how realistically the children are portrayed. it just fills me with such joy and fulfillment to open the book that i save it for the quiet moments before i sleep, and it has become a very special routine of this summer. i've always dreamed of having a neverland-themed wedding, and with chantel's wedding so close & being so involved in it, romance and weddings have been on my mind a lot lately.

i don't know what it is about peter pan, but it's one of those things that i love so much that it makes me cry if i think too long on it. kind of like leslie and ben, "romeo + juliet," and my interpretation of zelda and f. scott fitzgerald's relationship, it's just one of those things that i think will always make me feel a melancholy type of fulfillment.

sometimes i feel the same way about old happy memories of dylan and i, and when i get messages from my uncle bill or mamaw eileen at church, like when my mom tells me that the way my pinky fingers curve in when my hands are working comes from my dad's mom, who died right after i was born. something that feels right and sad and spiritual and meant to be all at once.