friday night was my friend erin's birthday, and we went to this polish bar/club near her place that was absolutely ridiculous. fog, lights, weird remixes of gagnam (sp?) style all night, and the support pillars had been turned into surprisingly realistic fake trees surrounding the dance floor. and it was empty, completely. so we all got pretty drunk and were dancing, then we went back to erin's and had more drinks and danced on her pole (she does pole classes at flirty girl fitness)
the next day i woke up and daniella was still gone. it was overcast and a little rainy out (my favorite weather) but really cold. when i woke up (sore from head to toe and hungover) i wrapped my top half up in a big fluffly towel and drew a bath with the bath bomb blake sent my for my birthday. i listened to music, slept for a while, and then just sat there and thought until the water got cold. it was the most relaxed i've been all semester...maybe even all year.
i'm trying to recreate that now, to work on my final for my type class tomorrow (which i haven't started) but mostly i'm just hot and sleepy and feeling like i need to get up before i ruin my final by sleeping through the few work hours i have left.
but still. that morning makes me excited for living alone, for not being in school. for having a job that allows me to actually have a day off every week (or maybe even just every two weeks), not just guilt-ridden nights of fun followed by 5am work mornings to make up for it. blake has been sending me pictures of her art and talking about her free time and i'm insanely jealous; i want that.
in the last half of this semester i managed to drain my bank account and had to borrow money from my parents to print this week, which makes me feel icky and needy. this semester i slept, on average, 3-4 hours per night. i'm pretty sure i only biked to school three times. i ordered at least 20 pizzas. i either drank or smoked at least once a week. i've gained 10 pounds. i've backslid in my progress with moving on from dylan, lost track of how long it has really been since i've even seen him. i've been a messy shithead of a roommate. i talked to my mom maybe once every two weeks, didnt talk to jaime at all between when i left and thanksgiving.
this semester was hard on me, physically, mentally, emotionally, and i felt out of control and guilty for 99% of it. i felt like i had to be selfish just to get through the week. i am so ready to put this semester to rest, to gain back my peace, to feel like a real human being again.
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