today was better. i got my room clean (mostlyyyy..there's still a pile of trash and small shit like bobby pins and earrings and coins in the middle of the floor), including the closet. and i made my "studio" by shoving all of my art stuff into one corner and tomorrow i'm going to make some curtains out of old sheets and attach curtain rods to the ceiling so it's like a separate space completely and i can really focus on my work. because i'm super behind in art. i should probably make a studio for euro at this point, though..i'm way behind in there, too. which is why i'm glad we only have two days of school this week. i'm going to find out what i missed, and then use thanksgiving break to do it and all of the catch-up work. and my ee. and finishing sending off college applications. busy week next week, but it will be worth it in the long run.
i think sometimes breaks like this are good. i was sick for thursday and friday, so i basically did nothing but think and sleep and listen to music and take medicine. saturday and today, though, i kicked it into high gear and cleaned and organized my room. i threw away like 5 trashbags of shit and then had another 2 trashbags full of things to give to goodwill. and i still haven't completely gone through all of the bins in my room, so i'll most likely throw away more stuff. it just feels good to get that done. now i feel like, despite all the work i have to do, i'll be able to handle it because i'll have a clean, open space to work in and no dread feelings hanging over my head.
and another thing: i just feel good. i've been eating really healthily since i got sick because i had such awful nausea and couldn't eat anything heavy, so i've lost about 5 lbs. which isn't much at all, but i feel better. and i started following two different people on tumblr, one who runs a plus size fashion/fat acceptance blog and the other a feminist. so now every time i get on tumblr i see lovely self-respect boosting messages, which has done wonders for my self image ever since the formspring attack i woke up to on saturday. and i've been reading childhood books, which is helping me find myself again. also, despite feeling incredibly lonely pretty much all day yesterday, i found the lovely niche i usually have at night after everyone is asleep or after school on days when my friends are busy: being alone and not being lonely, but rather reveling in the time i have to remember who i am.
hopefully this week will keep looking up. <3
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