needing/wanting/getting

today i was a half hour late to class. i fell asleep working last night and hadn't set an alarm. luckily with most of my work done, it wasn't really a problem. still, i didn't get a chance to eat breakfast, so when i finished my daily iced coffee from the school cafe, it left me empty feeling...hungry, clear-headed but still feeling deprived of sleep. and i realized how much i like that feeling.

of being sleep deprived to the point of feeling like a zombie because i stayed up so long pouring my soul into a piece of art for days beforehand. of the empty, healthy feeling of a growling stomach by 4pm because i chose a salad for lunch instead of the french fries i really wanted. of sore muscles one day because i did the whole 20 minutes of Jillian michaels 30-day shred the night before without putting down the 3 lb weights.

of being single, going through the slight inconvenience of occasional loneliness, because i refuse to settle for someone who isn't going to love me as much as i love myself.

the feeling of doing what i have to to get what i want. of making sacrifices, pushing myself to my limits, creating the change in my life. it's not a way to live long term or day-to-day, i'm sure i'd keel over from the stress. but sometimes it's nice to taste that little bit of bitter in your pink lemonade.

(not a harlem shake video, i promise! rather, a song by the band the Harlem Shakes that fits the mood of this post)


SPEAKING OF, i'm officially in training for my first 5k! i'm starting this weekend to prepare for the Hope in Motion / Run in Color 5K in Evansville on April 20 (which I'll probably just walk/jog with my mom) and then i've got the actual Color Run 5K that i'm going to RUN, not walk (a big goal for someone who has never EVER been a runner, even as a kid), on June 16! i'm really, really, excited about it. so here's to actually sticking to my new year's resolution for once