so glad to see blake on here again!

(those 5 pageviews were from me, haha!)

and glad to be back on here myself. i actually sat down to draft a post between my 9-12 and 6-9 classes today but got caught up with other things (gitsy & i went for a walk and she jumped into several puddles of mud, so i had to give her a bath which is always hellish).

anyways! yesterday i got a weird chat invite from my ex on a new email account, and i messaged him despite not really wanting to. i made a promise to him that the lines of communication would always be open on my end if he needed anything, because i don't see myself as the type of person who could completely turn her back on someone--even after having gone through so much because of them. so i messaged him and he messaged back, and i didn't get that weird heart-racing feeling (the goodbad kind, like when you get an anonymous message and wonder if it's going to be  friendly or make you cry), and i'm really proud of myself. especially after not having seen or talked to him in over 4 months. so all is good there.

school is good in that i have less of a workload, but i've been thinking seriously that i might have seasonal affective disorder (funny you mentioned it too, b). it's like no matter what i have to do, all i want to do is sit in the shower or sleep. i constantly fall asleep on the trains. all i want to eat is sweet things and bread. sometimes i literally have to choke back tears when i look at the forecast and realize i have to wear my coat and scarf and gloves just to walk to the station. i've gained at least 10 lbs. and that's all incredibly frustrating to me, which makes it worse. i feel like i'm just empty. i miss the sun and warmth and not having to wear a gigantic coat.

but not to complain
i'm doing a lot of work, and therefore making a lot of money. like having enough money for NEXT rent even though my rent check has come out. and that's awesome. i'm getting to spend money on things i've wanted for a while, and i'm really happy about that. school is easier than it's been in a while, and i think i'm finally winning over my type teacher.

ugh
i have so much more to say but a lot of work to do tonight
so i'll finish this later!