realization

while showering, the random thought popped into my head: in three days, dylan and i will have been dating for an entire two months. had i been single during this time, i would have said that two months is nothing, a blip in the history of my life. but it's so much more, and that thought amazes me. time is subjective and objective at once, which is bewildering to me.

anyways. our relationship has been easy, really. especially in relation to blake's situation, i'd say we were soaring through clear skies. but that's not completely true; we've both battled diseases, emotional and physical, drama, harassment, and distance (though not quite as prevalent.) we've had to work to stay together, to stay positive, to stay in control. and i still stand by the fact that it has been easy...because the way i see it, what we have is so worth working for, i don't even realize the hoops we both have had to jump through until they're swinging in the breeze behind us.

that's a comforting thought.

especially now that our honeymoon period has worn off and we're maturing as a couple, the thought that we can stand up to adversity is a really nice one to have.



my great grandmother died last week. i don't know how to feel about this...she was always a bitch, and i never got to know her very well, but she died alone, essentially. her dementia had consumed her, all of her loved ones had died before her, and her "friend" at the nursing home was a completely different person than my grandma thought, and that saddens me. that's not how i want to go out, my family sticking me into a home because no one cares enough to come and live with me at home until my dying day, and then essentially just riding out the last of my memory until i'm vulnerable and alone, never knowing who anyone is.

i'd much rather die young and leave my family and friends than to die alone, forgetting and forgotten.