the title has needed to be changed for a while now, probably about a year or so when I outgrew my no one-will-ever-love-me phase. I am not lonely. I am a loner by nature, and although having been in a relationship for the past two and a half years has made this newfound aloneness feel isolating and lonely, it isn't. i'm actually looking forward to spending more time by myself, getting to know who i am. living in chicago has changed me and i've barely noticed because i've been so wrapped up in dylan and a life i left back in southern indiana.
when i went back to visit my mom, i went to school with her. i was very anxious to see one of the male kindergarten teachers who works at west terrace; a teddy bear-like man of native american descent, he walks with a peace and knowledge about life that i admire. (before i left for chicago, i spent one of my last nights in the west terrace office. any time anyone came in and asked me about college, my mom would burst into tears. when he came in it was the same, and i told my mom not to cry. he said "don't say that; telling her not to cry takes away her right to having that emotion. let her cry.") upon seeing him in the hallway he took one look at me, turned to my mom and said, "she looks like a city girl. even the way she holds herself is different. she belongs there."
so here is to discovering what it is to be alone (as in single and geographically isolated, of course... don't think for a minute that i've forgotten the countless people in dorm rooms across the country and back home in evansville to whom my heart will always be tied) and not for a moment be lonely.
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