there are five days left until winter break, and it has been about the same amount of time since dylan and i decided to go on an indefinite break in our relationship. that being said, going home is more than going to dylan; going home means endless ihop dates with my gay bitches (haha), snuggling with gitsy and drinking green tea in the brown chair on cold nights, starbucks and long drives with blake, driving along to music, earning a paycheck, being with family. i am still excited to be home.
that isn't saying that dylan's recent visit here was horrid; we talked a lot, had tea in the bath and watched movies like normal. we enjoyed the weekend, knowing it might be the last. there were, and still are, moments so bittersweet that i'm left reeling, trying to determine at all what i'm feeling and if it can even be classified as an unambiguous emotion. today is the first day since he has been gone, but things aren't hard yet. like i told him to do, i'm finding personal victories in the small things: my humanities teacher gave me full marks on my final papers and left a note telling me how "gifted and thoughtful" of a student I am and jumped at the chance to write me a letter of recommendation for an RA position next year, i bound my own book last night for class and i'm incredibly proud of it, my friends ate my cupcakes stale and still told me that they loved them, pretty much everyone on my floor helped me with materials last-minute so i could bind my book (eric with a staplegun, dan with black paper, meredith with needle and thread, katie with direction) willingly and lovingly, which was one of the first times i felt like i were among real friends and not just neighbors in a foreign place.
little things like this are helping. and being alone isn't necessarily hard--i have so much to do this week, i'm hoping that it will breeze by and I can spend a lovely weekend with my dad before going home. I have to bake cupcakes, finish my poster, clean the dorm (so katie can move in tomorrow!), and edit my video for core, all tonight. past that, i just have to print my poster & fix my ad for thursday night, and edit two videos by friday for core. then i'll be completely finished with my first semester of college <3
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