distaste

my tsh level (natural thyroid stimulant hormone) is 54.
do you know what it should be?
3.

that's fucking 51 more than i need, and that's what's causing me to be this miserable.
because all of that tsh is coming from my pituitary gland, and my shriveled, decaying thyroid can't take any of that in. so they give me medicine that's supposed to make my pituitary gland think my thyroid is working, enter synthetic t4 drug.

i'm taking the highest possible dose for someone my age, and my levels aren't even to .5 when they should be AT LEAST 1.5. so my pituitary gland keeps making more fucking tsh!

so i never want to get out of bed, i can't go outside for literally more than ten seconds without shivering and nearly dying, im never hungry, i can hardly move from all the muscle aches, im getting more and more depressed, etc etc etc




i dont want to deal with life right now.
it hurts.