it is so unfair

that i cant tell you how much i really love you.
i love you, but im not in love with you.
not yet.

when you were just my best friend, "i love you" became the departing words.
now that you're my boyfriend as well as my best friend, kisses aren't enough.
there is always a loss for words. and i have no idea what to do with it.


so, until we get there, until i am in love with you on top of just loving you:

i love you, so so much.
but i cant tell you.

what's this?

how is it that i feel your kiss on the top of my head as i curl up in bed?

why is every waking moment spent thinking of you?

what have i done that perfect nights like this have become a part of my life?

how could it be that you could truly be over her?

why do your hugs melt me down to the core?

what cologne do you use for it to still be swirling in and out of my thoughts even days later?

how can someone so amazing as you really, truly like me?

why do i suddenly find myself completely absorbed with how you see me?

how can i possibly deserve this?



i love you as a best friend
but i like you as so much more.

school starts tomorrow [or, more accurately, today]

BARFFFFF!



i would rather die, i think.

i just BARELY finished my english by midnight,
and im only on the first essay of five due after lunch.


why am i ALREADY back into this habit?!