today begins a new year and, while I have goals and resolutions for myself, I will not be working on a "new me" in 2013; I have found myself more mature and stable on my own two feet than I could have ever imagined I would be at 20, and I've accepted that I am human and that I am allowed to make mistakes, break down from time to time, take a few days off when I need. I have accepted myself and can see for the most part my shortcomings and areas for growth.
I think the paradigm shift this year was realizing that there aren't rules for living; I had set so many boundaries and restrictions for and upon myself, and I realized this year that those weren't necessary and were, I'm some cases, extremely detrimental to my personal growth (and my sanity).This year I have overcome both love and hatred that were doing me no good, and it has been really hard. I hate to think of myself in that context of being not whole, or broken up about someone who hurt me so much, but also of being hung up with hatred for that same person who helped me open the door to who I am now.
I am more open than I ever used to be, more self aware (in good and bad ways I guess) and more appreciative of the things I am fortunate to have: a loving family that does its best to support me in every way possible, a best friend who really gets me, a solid handful of good friends in Chicago and throughout the Midwest, financial backing to do what I love, an the opportunity to live in the third largest city in the US and attend the nations's #2 ranked college for art and design. I am seriously talking to a lovely guy named Zacharias who is worldly aware and sweet and kind, and I like him a lot.
In the past year, I have moved to Chicago with Gitsy, gotten into the Viscom department at SAIC, been to bonnaroo, found a new favorite movie, gotten drunk with my best friend, gone on a road trip with my mom, gotten 2 tattoos, and made a lot of art that I love. all in all, 2012 was hard but wonderful, and I hope that 2013 brings good vibes and lots of new beautiful experiences into my life.
