back to blogging

i'm really trying to get on here more often. i've bookmarked it on safari in hopes that i'll be reminded more often to get on here. i need it. not only do i need to write down how i'm feeling, keep a log of my college experiences, but i feel like this gives me another tie to blake, and how things used to be.


...
i started this last night and never finished, so i'll finish now.
i'm in my core class, waiting for my teacher to come back.
i've been at health services all morning; they thought i had strep, but the test came back negative.

i worked on a video all night for this class, and it turned out much better than i had expected, so i hope i still get the opportunity to show it to my classmates. i'm really proud of it. at first, i felt like i didn't belong here; everyone else is so much more creative and high-fucntioning that i felt out of place in the art/academics side of it all. but exploring things such as audio and video makes me realize that i have a creative edge to things i didn't know about before. (i've started an art blog and i'll link it to here so it all flows together)

anyways. class is starting so im gonna go

nineteen

today was my birthday.

it brought new things, opened new doors in my life and in my relationship.
dylan and i skirted around boundaries for so long that i didn't have room even to be nervous (okay, maybe for the first 10 minutes).
it happened, and it wasn't a big deal at all.
things are new, and yet the same as they ever were.

a welcome surprise, dylan decided to stay the night at my dorm, and right now he's doing the dishes from the birthday party i threw for myself (mostly a vehicle for dispensing the large amounts of cake i acquired today and further pushing off the homework i've been dreading doing since thursday night) and making us some omelettes. i should be doing homework.

my mom bought me a kindle, and i was lucky enough to receive not only one, but two electric mixers! (one of them will be traded in for accessories in the coming week, haha)

the past weekend was lovely--i spent it with blake at a world music festival i spent my high school days anticipating, and got to meet the people who are lucky enough to see my best friend's face every day.

anyways
life is good
and i have some freud to be reading

Chicago, I love you, but you're bringing me down

I love it here but things are hard right now.
I'm belligerent for no reason.
bitchy. picky. hungry.
I'm not sleeping anymore.
I have headaches all the time.

I don't have a job and my savings are dipping below $1000.
my dorm is out of toilet paper.

it's stuff like this that's driving me over the edge.
that, and the fact that I push everyone away
either that or neglect them.

I noticed it first on Friday, at te derby bout
sitting next to this girl who practically drools over me
(I was excited to meet her, too, after Facebook)
and I was just pissed.
seriously pissed. I wanted to smack her
across the face
every time she opened her mouth.

she didn't do anything
neither did dylan
and yet I'm being a bitch


I don't know what I'm doing to myself