equinox

tomorrow (or i guess technicall today, now) is the equinox. it's also a new moon in pisces, and i can feel the energy building to create a shift in my life. i spent the last several days in a cabin on kentucky lake with dustin and ivy (and ivy's girlfriend, hannah) and it feels dreamy and strange to be back, so i don't want to take any steps forward in this moment, but i'm hoping it's just a lack of sleep that's got me shaky.

i really think things are going places with alex. i stayed at his house saturday and we both had work at 11, but I had to go home first because I forgot to pack work pants. he kept asking me, "you can't just wear that skirt to work? you're sure?" and it was really sweet. he was kinda beat up from the show (he played that night and was also pretty active in the pit) so afterwards we just went back to his place and he laid back on me on the couch and let me play with his hair. he played with the runs in my tights and we were just quiet together. tonight i bumped into him while i was grabbing coffee and working, and he told me about how "i'm gonna love" the cabins he and his family built up near jasper since i liked camping this week. it's early in knowing him but things seem to be moving in a relationship-y direction and right now it feels very sincere and sweet to be with him.

i'm feeling wonderful, physically. i'm being really careful about what food and drink i put into my body and being conscious about the choices i'm making with my activity level. i'm hoping this weather stays nice so i can get back on my bike. i always feel better when i'm riding on a daily basis and i think that will help me balance the panic i get about spending all day sitting at a computer or standing at the front desk at the salon.

it was kind of weird to be with ivy and dustin again for the first time in so long, but it was good. i was surprised because i felt more connected to dustin than to ivy this time. she just got so angry any time i talked about dana (who i spend more time with than ivy these days) and i didn't know how to handle it. i don't know. ivy and hannah were also having some issues i guess, and ivy's ferret binx just died, but it was still strange and a little uncomfortable. but dustin and i connected a little bit and he said he was glad we were hanging again because he was worried that we hadn't spent time together since i moved back and that i was getting along so well with other people at PG.

it's weird to hear all these people who aren't active in my daily life say how proud they are of me, how much they love my work, or that they are impressed by my networking. to me it feels like i just have my head down and am trying desperately to keep making and being and connecting without losing my shit. it is nice to have people tell me they're noticing what i'm doing. and it's nice to realize that, in general, i am so much happier than i've been in a very long time. in evansville. because of that, a lot of things feel possible. it's amazing to look back to six months ago to the new moon on september 23  that catapulted this idea of buying a press and moving here, and to see how much progress i've made already.