moving (again)

i feel like i haven't written in forever, and it always seems like i end up writing when i have something very important to do that i'd rather put off for another half hour. this time, it's packing and getting ready to move (again). I can't even remember if i posted on here about the fact that i'm moving home, but i am; i bought a press last week and have been getting all my things in order to move back into my parents' house (sigh) and start my own little business.

i've been in a weird mood lately, i just don't want to talk to anyone (sorry i've been distant, blake--i feel distant even from myself right now.) i think it has a lot to do with the fact that winter has slipped its frigid noose around the city of chicago, but i also think that i need to talk to my doctor about upping my anxiety meds. the depression part hasn't been as bad lately (or maybe i'm just content with feeling sad about leaving chicago), but my anxiety has been off the charts. i can't even be in the same room when any of my roommates are eating or discussing something or singing, because the sound of food crunching or lips smacking/voices over each other/the phrase "i understand what you're saying, but _____" 100 times in one conversation (read: civilly-mannered argument) is enough to literally cause me to have a panic attack lately.

i don't know. big changes are happening, and i'm really excited by the prospect of getting to work for myself and being with gitsy and having access to a car and an indoor gym, but i'm also nervous. it's hard to choke down the fear of getting myself in way over my head some days, but other days i just want to be back in evansville and getting things sorted out. i think the hardest part right now is the waiting: my press is mine, but it's in storage until i find a place to rent out as retail/studio space. i can't rent out a space until i'm back in evansville and have a small business loan to help me out with startup costs. i can't get a loan until i finish my business plan. i can't finish my business plan until i come up with a name for my business, which is where i'm stuck right now, and (unfortunately for me) packing and making money has to come before brainstorming for the time being.

so, stress. but in a good way mostly. i have lots of etsy orders coming in, and i've made $63 in the past 4 days because of it. i have to do laundry today, but a lot of it is packing up clothes i know i'm not going to wear during my final 7 days (!!) in chicago. i'm looking around my room and realizing there's still a lot of work to be done today, so i'm going to go clean and pack now!